June 13, 2011
fail miami

our long national nightmare is over: the miami heat failed to win a title. all is right with the world again, and good triumphs over evil.

a few observations from the finals…

1. in the fourth quarter throughout the finals, lebron james must have thought the basketball was a live grenade. this is basically how it would go:

[ball gets passed to lebron]

lebron: holy crap!! i gotta get rid of this thing!!! here! mario chalmers! you take it!!

[ball gets passed back to lebron]

lebron: WTFFF!!!! why’s this coming back to me?!?!?!?! AHHHHH DWYANE TAKE IT!!!

2. speaking of lebron, that dude needs to just STFU. you’ve probably now heard his postgame “my life is better than yours” statement, as well as his tweet after game 6: “the greater man upstairs knows when it’s my time. right now isn’t the time.”

okay, it would be one thing if lebron had played his heart out and left everything out on the floor, but i think we can all agree that was far from the case. if anything, it wasn’t God’s will that lebron wasn’t going to win a title; it was lebron’s LACK of will that kept him from winning.

3. uh, did anyone notice that chris bosh was actually the heat’s best player in game 6? and arguably their most consistent throughout the finals? no? oh, no one cares about bosh? not even lebron or wade? oh. okay. let’s just move on.

4. charles barkley was absolutely right about the miami fans: they’re the worst. with the heat down 10 with over two minutes left, fans started filing out of the arena. now, look, i know that at that point, the chances of the heat making a comeback are slim, but don’t you at least owe it to your team to support them until it’s absolutely over? especially in their final game of the season? as chuck would say, “that’s turrible.”

5. where can i get one of these sweet shirts?

(full story is here.)

6. and hey, by the way, the mavs won the nba championship! congrats to dirk. you made a fan out of me.

  1. holaeduardo posted this